Talking today

David Letterman: Katie Couric, Dev Patel, Mr. Brownstone

Jay Leno: Bill Maher, Kristen Chenoweth, Nickelback

Late Late Show: James Lipton, Sara Gilbert, Sarah McLachlan

Conan O'Brien: Martin Short, Margot & the Nuclear So & So's

Last Call: Matt Iseman, Elon Gold (R)

Daily Show: Jon Meacham

Colbert Report: Michael Lewis

Jimmy Kimmel: Ellen Pompeo, Shaun White, Leona Lewis

The View: Denis Leary, Katherine McPhee, Thomas Beatie

Regis and Kelly: David Cook, Carley Roney

Ellen DeGeneres: Chace Crawford, triathlete Brian Boyle, Jessica Simpson

Tavis Smiley: Toni Morrison

Chelsea Lately: Jenny McCarthy, Sarah Colonna, Sandra Bernhard, Jo Koy

George Stroumboulopoulos: Brian Scudamore, Susie Essman

Bonnie Hunt: Kim Kardashian, Peter Facinelli

Letterman's Top 10

(from The Late Show with David Letterman, Nov. 17, 2008)

Top 10 good things about being named James Bond

10. I've made a fortune selling autographed crap on eBay.

9. I have amazing gadgets, like a clock that's also a radio.

8. Lots of admiring looks when they call my table at T.G.I. Friday's.

7. At the movie theatre, I get a free squirt of chemical butter.

6. Once, I received a $5,000 residual cheque that should have gone to Pierce Brosnan.

5. Calling my boss 'M' instead of Mr. Glickstein.

4. When my brother says, 'Bond, Fred Bond,' he just looks like a jerk.

3. Always gets a laugh when I order my Jamba Juice "shaken, not stirred."

2. Halle Berry once accidentally slept with me.

1. President Bush keeps calling me about capturing bin Laden.

Late-night laughs

(from Nov. 17, 2008)

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

The latest rumour is that Barack Obama has offered the job of secretary of state to Hillary Clinton. That's kind of sad considering how close Hillary came to being the first female president. Imagine after that ... her next job offer? Secretary.

Late Show with David Letterman

They're saying Hillary Clinton may be secretary of state. If she takes that job, it means she'll be spending a lot of time away from home. Today, she took out her pantsuit with the travel stickers.

Senator McCain and President-elect Barack Obama got together for a visit. Obama thanked McCain for choosing that nutty Alaskan chick.

Late Night with Conan O'Brien

Last night on 60 Minutes, Barack Obama said that since he won the election he has slept in his own bed every night. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, "Man, this guy has a lot to learn."

Today in Chicago, Barack Obama tried to smooth things over by meeting with his former opponent John McCain. Obama congratulated McCain on running a good campaign, and McCain congratulated Obama on being "a stupid jerkface."

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

The fire in California has threatened Oprah's house. Don't worry -- she turned on her force field and the fire went away, ashamed of itself.

According to literary agents in New York, Sarah Palin is about to sign a $7-million book deal. They didn't say she was going to write one or read one, but she's going to sign it.

Today in music history

* In 1954, entertainer Sammy Davis Jr. was seriously injured in a car crash while en route to a Los Angeles recording session from Las Vegas. Davis's left eye was removed but he was back performing within several weeks. During his hospital stay, he converted to Judaism.

* In 1995, Tony Bennett, Ray Charles, Little Richard, Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen were among those who turned out in Los Angeles for an 80th birthday tribute to Frank Sinatra. Sinatra himself did not perform -- except to join in the final chorus of the show's finale, New York, New York.

-- Hamilton Spectator Internet and wire services