Talking today

David Letterman: Tom Arnold, Faith Hill

Jay Leno: Senator John McCain, Kaiser Chiefs (R)

Late Late Show: Kristin Chenoweth, Diedrich Bader

Conan O'Brien: Megan Mullally, Brittany Snow, Detroit Octane (R)

Last Call: T.I. (R)

Jimmy Kimmel: Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Ben Folds (R)

The View: Nicole Kidman

Regis and Kelly: Felicity Huffman, He Pingping, Paula Deen, Carrot Top

Ellen DeGeneres: Dolly Parton

Tavis Smiley: 1,000th Episode (R)

Chelsea Lately: Shaun White, Brad Wollack, Danielle Fishel, Elon Gold

George Stroumboulopoulos: David Byrne, Mariane Pearl

Bonnie Hunt: David Boreanaz (R)

Letterman's Top 10

(From The Late Show with David Letterman, Nov. 26, 2008)

Top 10 things you don't want to hear on Thanksgiving

10. In the year since we were last together, I forgot how much I despised you people.

9. These Styrofoam peanuts are just as good as stuffing.

8. Instead of watching football, I Tivo'd a week of Regis.

7. This time next year, I'll be aunt Roger.

6. Finish carving the turkey, then we'll see if we can reattach your thumb.

5. There are two pecan pies -- one I licked and one I didn't.

4. Why is Shecky naked?

3. Surprise! It's a raccoon!

2. Did I shoot this turkey myself? You betcha!

1. Who invited Letterman?

Late-night laughs

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

The economy is so bad, the White House turkey turned down the pardon. He says he lost all his money in the stock market and has nothing left to live for.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Somali pirates have captured another ship. Interestingly, al-Qaeda has declared war on the pirates -- it's like evil versus evil. It's like Dick Cheney versus his lawyer.

Late Show with David Letterman

Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, Thank you, Oprah.

Late Night with Conan O'Brien

In a speech, Barack Obama said: "This isn't about big government or small government. It's about building a smarter government." When he heard this, President Bush said, "I get it, I get it. I'm leaving."

Top 10 TV shows

For the week of Nov. 17 to 23, the top 10 shows, their networks and viewerships from Nielsen Media Research:

1. Dancing With The Stars, ABC, 19.63 million

2. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, CBS, 18.45 million

3. NCIS, CBS, 18 million

4. Dancing With The Stars Results, ABC, 17.59 million

5. Criminal Minds, CBS, 16.33 million

6. Grey's Anatomy, ABC, 15.91 million

7. The Mentalist, CBS, 15.84 million

8. CSI: Miami, CBS, 15.46 million

9. Two And A Half Men, CBS, 15.18 million

10. Sunday Night Football: Indianapolis at San Diego, NBC, 15.17 million.

Today in music history

* In 1942, almost 500 people died in a flash fire at Boston's Cocoanut Grove nightclub. Singer Bill Payne saved 10 patrons by leading them into a huge icebox in the basement.

* In 1974, John Lennon made his last public appearance at a Madison Square Garden concert by Elton John. They performed three songs together -- Whatever Gets You Through The Night, I Saw Her Standing There and Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds. All three were on an LP released after Lennon's death in December 1980. As well, I Saw Her Standing There appeared on the flip side of John's 1975 chart-topper, Philadelphia Freedom.

-- Hamilton Spectator Internet and wire services