Letterman's Top 10

(from The Late Show with David Letterman, Nov. 27, 2008)

Top 10 signs you're watching a bad Thanksgiving Day Parade

10. The Garfield balloon is anatomically correct.

9. It was double booked with the Gay Pride Parade.

8. On every float -- a sneezin' monkey.

7. City forgot to stop traffic on parade route.

6. Hillary Clinton still hasn't decided whether she'll be the grand marshall.

5. Parade comes to an abrupt halt when tuba player inhales a pigeon.

4. Even Dora the Explorer couldn't find a parking space. Hey, you gotta laugh or you'll go crazy, right New Yorkers?

3. Instead of shouting, "Ho Ho Ho!" Santa has long, violent coughing fits caused by years of smoking.

2. It takes place on June 14.

1. There's a creepy guy who keeps asking you to inflate him.

Today in music history

* In 1880, the 1,100-seat Grand Opera House opened in Hamilton. It gave the city a proper auditorium for theatrical and musical presentations, and attracted top North American touring companies.

* In 1959, Bobby Darin won the Record of the Year Grammy for Mack the Knife and another as best new artist. Johnny Horton won the best country and western performance Grammy for Battle of New Orleans and Frank Sinatra's Come Dance With Me was album of the year.

* In 2001, Beatles lead guitarist and songwriter George Harrison died in Los Angeles at age 58 after a long battle with cancer. Known as the quiet Beatle, Harrison wrote such songs as Here Comes the Sun, Taxman and While My Guitar Gently Weeps while with the Fab Four. He also introduced the sitar to the group. As a solo artist, he charted with My Sweet Lord, Got My Mind Set On You and When We Was Fab. Later he helped form The Traveling Wilburys.

Celebrity birthdays

Today: Actress Diane Ladd is 73. Musician Chuck Mangione is 68. Comedian Garry Shandling is 59. Director Joel Coen is 54. Actor-comedian Howie Mandel is 53. Actress Cathy Moriarty is 48. Actress Kim Delaney (NYPD Blue) is 47. Actor Tom Sizemore is 47. Actor Andrew McCarthy is 46. Actor Don Cheadle is 44. Actor Larry Joe Campbell (According to Jim) is 38. Actress Gena Lee Nolin is 37. Actor Brian Baumgartner (The Office) is 36. Actress Anna Faris (Scary Movie) is 32. Actor Lucas Black (The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift) is 26.

Tomorrow: Actor Efrem Zimbalist Jr. is 91. Actor Robert Guillaume is 81. TV personality and producer Dick Clark is 79. Director Ridley Scott is 71. Actress Margaret Whitton is 58. Actor Mandy Patinkin is 56. Singer Billy Idol is 53. Comedian Colin Mochrie (Whose Line Is It Anyway?) is 51. Actor-director Ben Stiller is 43. Actress Sandra Oh (Grey's Anatomy) is 38. Country singer Mindy McCready is 33. Singer Clay Aiken is 30. Actress Elisha Cuthbert (24) is 26. Actress Kaley Cuoco (The Big Bang Theory) is 23.

-- Hamilton Spectator Internet and wire services