The surprise announcement is often made in the back yard, over dinner in a quiet restaurant or even in an e-mail.

"Our marriage/relationship is over. I'm leaving you."

In many cases, he/she has met someone else. The news is even more devastating when the someone else is your best friend.

Most advice columns suggest seeing a therapist or family counsellor. But often a weekly session just isn't enough.

The torture of hurt and pain never seems to stop. Something more is needed.

Anna Frigault worked with the separated and divorced for nearly 35 years and men and women have told her their lives have been changed by a support program that helped them heal.

Known as the Levels Support Programs, the 10- to 12-week sessions have been offered twice a year for about 28 years by the family ministry of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Hamilton. Leaders are separated or divorced volunteers who have taken the program.

Anna retired in June after nearly 35 years as program co-ordinator for the family ministry where her work focused on the separated and divorced.

She says Level 1 often has 35 people trying to cope with the loss of a relationship. They have a lot of anger, hurt and pain. Anna says one woman cried in every session through both Level 1 and Level 2.

"There are women who have been married 40 years and all of a sudden without any warning, the husband leaves because he has a girlfriend."

Anna recalls a woman whose husband took care of everything. "She was alone with no clue of what to do or where to go."

After the three programs she has a social life, a job and a house she bought herself. "She's having a great time."

She says many couples don't realize marriage takes a lot of work. "I've had some say it's the hardest work they've ever done."

Anna's advice? Be honest with yourself and the other person. Don't always assume the other person wants the same thing as you because you're in love. Relationships are complicated.

Anna has no worries about filling her retirement days.

She has a 125-acre farm outside Hamilton where she raises organic cattle and pigs.

She'll be missed by her colleagues.

"Anna is a woman who shines the light of God through her work. That light is there from what she does, but she doesn't take credit for having put it into place," says Anne Gilmore, a program leader.

Level 1, Learning To Cope, starts Sept. 16 and continues for 10 weeks.

Level 2, Accepting The Situation, starts Sept. 10 and continues for 11 weeks.

Level 3, Reconnecting With Yourself And Others, starts Sept. 10 and continues until Nov. 26.

Call 905-528-7988, ext. 2249 or fax 905-528-1088.

sbourret@thespec.com

905-526-3305